Tuesday, November 16, 2010

My Kid is Hilarious

My son is sweet, adorable, and hilarious. He also has autism. Some of the things he says are so funny that I just can't keep them to myself, so I'm going to start a blog of his best stuff.

I'm not sure exactly what form this is going to take yet, so for now I'll just post them and figure out the rest later.

This is his latest:

We were discussing his need to eat dinner before eating ice cream and he was vehemently disagreeing with my irrational and unfair rule. He attempted to break me down by using his best powers of persuasion, but I was a rock and would not be swayed. As the debate began to degenerate into a bunch of name calling (and as I was running out of arguments and in serious danger of being defeated), I finally said, "Listen snotface, the answer is no. You may not have ice cream before you eat dinner. I don't care if you think it's too dark outside for you to eat the dinner *crap I made. I don't care if Woody personally visited you and told you you need to eat ice cream first or your sister will fail her spelling test. And I don't care if your taste guts [buds] decided that burritos taste worse than reindeer poop (evidently he was traumatized when we made him eat chocolate covered raisins last year). If you don't eat dinner, you can't have ice cream. End of story."

As I was patting myself on the back for my undefeatable logic, Ashton was sitting quietly, contemplating his next move. Finally he looked up with a fake tear in one of his big brown eyes and an expression of deep sadness on his face little brown face (it was definitely time for a bath). He kissed my hand, sighed heavily, and said,

"So this is it. After all we've been through, this is how it ends."

He then went upstairs to his room, slammed the door, and refused to talk to me for the next half hour. Aside from the time we spent snuggling this morning after his sister left for school (he's 6, in 1st grade, and off track right now), that half hour was the best part of my day.

Did I say that out loud?

* I'll explain his use of the word "crap" and my reaction to it (or lack thereof) later. I don't have the energy right now.